We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize