Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Operation Purity has been aborted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
