I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?