I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?