I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?