I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
