I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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