So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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