Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
