I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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