ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
