And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
FUCK WHALES
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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