Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
