Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
