I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
