the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
