I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
