you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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