Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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