she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
