dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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