Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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