Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
