how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
