I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
