Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
