I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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