It's Friday. Sex?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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