1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
