I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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