girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
