I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
