If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
