You don't have asthma, your pregnant
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
