When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
