you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
