Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
