The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
