Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
