Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
