so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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