So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
