I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
