Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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