Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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