You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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