Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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