Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
