my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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