Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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