Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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