Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
