i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
