oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...