Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.