i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
