She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need dunkaroos back in my life.