my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.