From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?