He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄