I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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