we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
