A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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