Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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