wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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