So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
