stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My life is pants optional.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize