Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
