Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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