Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
