I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
