my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
