She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
