I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
