So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
