why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
