it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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