Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
