I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't want my vagina anymore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize