she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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