i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
