Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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