I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
