No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
