miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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