he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
